How Not to Save Money
One of the greatest challenges of adulthood is saving money. There are thousands of books, videos, and experts explaining how to budget, how to invest, and how to resist buying your fifth coffee of the day. We, on the other hand, are here to show you the real path — how not to save money.
Impulse Is King
Financial gurus say you should plan your purchases. But where’s the fun in that? See it, want it, buy it — instantly. Whether it’s a third air fryer, a unicorn-shaped lamp, or a monthly subscription to “Mystery Box of the Month,” just go for it. The thrill of financial chaos is priceless.
Credit Cards Are Free Money
Your credit card isn’t a financial tool. It’s an open invitation to spend tomorrow’s money today! Always carry multiple cards, and never — ever — check your balance. If you don’t see the debt, does it even exist?
Emergency Fund? Just Panic Creatively
Why put money aside for emergencies when you can just react emotionally in the moment? Car broke down? Take out a high-interest payday loan! Medical bill? Swipe the card again. Life is unpredictable, and so is your bank account — embrace it.
Sales Are Mandatory Spending Events
Saving money during a sale? Amateurs. Use sales as a reason to buy more. That 50% off jacket you didn’t need is actually a smart investment because you saved money… right?
Budgeting Is Oppression
Spreadsheets are for robots. Budgeting is a form of financial censorship, limiting your full expression as a spontaneous being. If you’re going to go broke, at least do it authentically.
Don’t Cook – Support the Economy
Meal prepping is overrated. Ordering out every day supports local businesses, stimulates the economy, and keeps your kitchen clean. Who needs savings when you have loyalty points from six food delivery apps?
Avoid Investing – It Sounds Too Grown-Up
They say you should “make your money work for you.” But that sounds suspiciously like a trap. Stocks, ETFs, retirement accounts — too many acronyms. Stick to the good old savings account earning 0.02% interest. Safe, boring, and reliably disappointing.
Forget Needs vs. Wants – Everything’s a Need
Luxury perfume, limited edition sneakers, gold-plated fidget spinners — it’s all essential. Don’t let society tell you otherwise.
Final Thought
There are many ways to build wealth. This article covers none of them. But if your goal is to avoid saving, live chaotically, and remain one paycheck away from disaster — congratulations, you’re doing everything right.
