How NOT to Fix Your Sleep Schedule (Revenge Bedtime Procrastination Edition) — Quiz Format

Fixing your sleep schedule should be simple. But you, like the rest of us, have hobbies—such as revenge bedtime procrastination (staying up late to reclaim control of your life… by watching videos you won’t remember).

So instead of lecturing you with wellness advice, we’ll do this the HowNotToDo way: a quick quiz to identify exactly how you’re sabotaging sleep, followed by small fixes that don’t require you to become a monk.

QUIZ: Which Sleep Saboteur Are You?

Pick the option that feels uncomfortably accurate.

A) The Doom‑Scroller (bed = phone time)
B) The Late‑Caffeine Optimist (“I can sleep anytime.”)
C) The Time Traveler (“I’ll fix it Sunday.”)
D) The True‑Crime Bedtime Detective
E) The Nap Negotiator (day naps that become a lifestyle)
F) The Bedroom DJ (bright lights, loud vibes, zero wind‑down)

If you’re A: The Doom‑Scroller

You go to bed “early,” then scroll for 90 minutes like it’s a sacred ritual. Your brain learns: bed = stimulation = stay awake.

Do this instead: phone across the room + 20‑minute wind‑down. If you need something, use low-stakes comfort content (not novelty).

If you’re B: The Late‑Caffeine Optimist

You drink coffee at 5–6 PM and tell yourself it’s fine. Then you’re wide awake at 2 AM replaying your entire social history.

Do this instead: caffeine cutoff: 8 hours before bed. Earlier if you’re sensitive. (Yes, this is unfair.)

If you’re C: The Time Traveler

You try to fix sleep by going to bed 3 hours earlier tonight. Congrats: you just created 3 extra hours of ceiling time.

Do this instead: shift by 15–30 minutes every 2–3 days. Keep wake time consistent.

If you’re D: The True‑Crime Bedtime Detective

Your “relaxing” bedtime content is murder and suspense. Then you wonder why your nervous system refuses to power down.

Do this instead: swap to low‑stakes content (comfort shows, calm audio, comedy). Save adrenaline for daylight.

If you’re E: The Nap Negotiator

You take a “quick nap” and wake up 2 hours later. Now bedtime is a negotiation.

Do this instead: 10–25 minute naps, earlier in the day, with an alarm. If you’re exhausted daily, fix night sleep first.

If you’re F: The Bedroom DJ

Your room is bright, warm, noisy, and full of activities. It’s less “sleep cave” and more “tiny nightclub.”

Do this instead: dim lights, cool the room, and keep the bed for sleep (and maybe reading). Not email. Not work.

The 7‑Day Reset (Low‑Effort Edition)

Day 1–2: Pick a fixed wake time.
Day 3: Get bright light within 60 minutes of waking.
Day 4: Move caffeine earlier.
Day 5: 20‑minute wind‑down (dim lights + boring activity).
Day 6: Keep naps short (or skip them).
Day 7: Keep bedtime within ~30–45 minutes.

Things that feel helpful but aren’t

Going to bed early while wired: you’ll just train your brain to associate bed with frustration.
Sleeping in to “catch up”: it steals sleep pressure from the next night.
Scrolling until you pass out: it works… and then it stops working.

Mini FAQ (because your brain will ask anyway)

“What if I can’t fall asleep?” If you’re awake for ~20 minutes, get up and do something calm, then return.
“Should I try melatonin?” Sometimes, but timing matters. Start small and don’t treat it like candy.
“Is this medical advice?” No. If sleep issues are severe/persistent, talk to a professional.

Quick wins for tonight

Dim the lights 30 minutes earlier.
Phone across the room (or at least out of reach).
Set a single wake time for tomorrow.

Conclusion

You don’t need a perfect routine. You need a repeatable one. Your goal isn’t “sleep like a wellness influencer.” It’s “sleep like a functional human who doesn’t hate mornings.”

If you want a gentle companion piece, try https://www.hownottodo.com/how-not-to-meditate-for-beginners/.

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